17. Unwanted Events

18. Post Partum
When unexpected events and outcomes happen, often out of our control, it’s very hard not to mention its emotional companion – a feeling of loss.  Especially if you have planned for something, anything, and it does not work out the way you wanted it to.

There is disappointment.

It may call for a change in plans.  But reality can be bitter-sweet and maybe no matter what you did or do the end results would be the same.

The feelings of loss and disappointment can be overwhelming and the degree of those feelings certainly depend on the situation.  Naturally, with a miscarriage loss is felt and dreams are broken.

Sometimes women who had a Cesarean birth also feel a loss and are disappointed they did not give birth vaginally.  At the same time, there are also women who gave birth by Cesarean, whether it was by request, necessary or planned, they accept it.

How you interpret your own experience will influence your emotional state of mind and possibly your behavior.

If you are upset about your birthing experience acknowledge you are and talk about it. Hiding your feelings may make life more stressful for you. Try to come to terms with it as best you can.  If you are angry express it through journaling or sharing your feelings with someone you trust. Seek professional help if you feel you need to.

Feelings of anger may turn to resentment towards yourself, you partner, family and maybe towards your newborn. “Stuffed” unexpressed feelings could lead to post partum  depression, then again, maybe not! It depends on how you handle, cope with the loss.

If you experience the loss (fetal demise) of your newborn my heart goes out to you.  Living life is full of losses ranging from mild to the unspeakable.  Divorce, death of our parents, or spouse etc. But, losing a child in childbirth, or in illness or by accident at any age, is devastating. Our hopes and dreams  shatter.  It is in these moments that life doesn’t make any sense and the reasons for it may be hard to find or even understand.

Yet I am convinced from my own personal experiences, no matter how emotionally painful the loss, there is a lesson. Something to learn that slowly reveals itself in time.

If you can

  • Acknowledge the disappointment and/or the loss.  Don’t keep it bottled-up inside you.  It will only surface in other areas of your life and in relationships with others as well.
  • Journal your feelings.  This is a healthy way to get it out, to release it, and you can see it written on paper.  Perhaps you may find some solace in your writings.
  • Communicate with your partner. Both of you are experiencing this together, and in different ways, communication can help to heal.
  • Go through grieving at your own pace. It’s very different for everyone and how long it lasts will vary also.  Take the time you need.
  • Find a support group that matches your particular situation. Support groups can be an invaluable resource to help you with your loss.
  • Talk and cry,  talk and cry, do some more, eventually it will slow down,it’s good to release the emotional pain
  • Don’t ignore your loss or suppress it. Nothing is ever forgotten in the mind and it will stay with you and affect your life. Best to deal with it and celebrate what you can, the memories, find something good about it.
  • You did the best you could
  • Life moves on, you can to. But remember, you’re little one will remain in your heart forever. So continue to love and honor them.


Visit this site:  Honored Babies


Lesly 🙂