When unexpected events and outcomes are discussed, it's very hard not to mention its companion - loss. Especially if you have planned for something, anything, and it does not work out the way you wanted it to. There is disappointment. It may call for a change in plans. But reality is always bitter-sweet, and maybe no matter what you did, the end results would be the same. ( Please read pg 54 in your book) What book?
The feelings of loss and disappointment can be overwhelming, and the degree of those feelings certainly depend on the situation. Naturally, with a miscarriage loss is felt, and dreams are broken. Sometimes women who had a Cesarean birth also feel a loss and are disappointed they did not give birth vaginally. At the same time, there are women who gave birth by Cesarean, whether it was neccessary or planned, have accepted their experience.
How you interpret your own experience will influence your emotional state of mind, and possibly your behavior. If you are upset about your birthing experience, acknowledge it, and talk about it. Try to come to terms with it. If you are angry, try to express it through journaling, or sharing your feelings with someone you trust. Feelings of anger may turn to resentment towards yourself, and towards your newborn, and possibly lead to depression, then again, maybe not!
If you experience the loss of your newborn, for whatever reason, my heart goes out to you. Living life is full of losses, ranging from mild to the unspeakable. Divorce, death of our parents, or spouses, jobs. But, losing a child in childbirth, or in illness or by accident at any age, is devestating. Our hopes and dreams shatter. It is in these moments that life doesn't make any sense, and the reasons for it may be hard to find, or even understand.
If you can:
-Acknowledge the disappointment and/or the loss. Don't keep it bottled-up inside you. It will only surface in other areas of your life
-Journal them. This is a great way to get it out, to release it, and you can see it written on paper. Perhaps you may find some solace in your writings.
-Communicate with your partner. Both you and your partner are experiencing this together, and in different ways, communication can help to heal.
-Go through grieving at your own rate. It is very different for everyone, and how long it lasts will vary also. Take the time you need.
-Find a support group that matches your particular situation. Support groups can be an invaluable resource to help you with your loss. List of resources here
- Talk and cry, talk and cry.......
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